4 Powers Of Effective Communication

Leadership Workshop (10 of 12) - Start with Yourself

Leading at Light Speed is a new leadership book by Eric Douglas describing the 10 Quantum Leaps to build trust, spark innovation, and create a high-performing organization. The following article is about “The Four Powers of Communication” described on Pages 228-324 in Chapter 9 of Leading at Light Speed.

The word communication literally means “to make common.” Simplified, it means asserting your needs. Being able to build strong trusting relationships with people that have dramatically different perspectives than you is an example of communication at its best. The educator and psychotherapist Virginia Satir wrote, “Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world.” Additionally, it determines how effective a leader you are capable of being.

Much of my work in developing leaders and leading organizations focuses on communication. Since publishing Straight Talk® in 1997, I’ve continued to develop my understanding that people can develop four different levels – or “powers” – of communication. Here’s a description of these four powers:

The First Power: Expressing Yourself.

From the moment we pop out of the womb, we start expressing what we want. We communicate we are hungry, or sad, or happy. Our ability to use words improves over time. We become able to name basic mental and emotional moods. A smorgasbord of strategies for expressing our desires has been laid out for us by the time we are adults.

Yet even as adults, we are still working on this first power. Circumlocution is a tactic used by adults to avoid the risks involved in directly communicating their desires. The first power includes being able to express ourselves regardless of the situation or emotional elements involved.

The trick is to learn how to express our “inner scripts” – the things that might embarrass us if we express them – in a way that shows we are genuinely conflicted about them. For example, in giving feedback to a boss who handled a situation with her team insensitively, you might say: “I have an inner script: While I know this might cost me my job, I would like to find a time when we could talk about how you might have handled that interaction more effectively.”

The Second Power: Listening and Responding.

Soon after we are born we also begin developing the ability to respond to others. Funny faces make us laugh. We can feel other people’s emotions. As we gain the use of language, we respond with words. By Kindergarten, most of us are capable of building fledgling relationships with our developing communication abilities.

Being a participant in a conversation comes naturally with age as we start to recognize others as our equals deserving the same respect and attention we expect for ourselves. Trust and reciprocity establish strong communication patterns.

At a more advanced level, people who master this second power can extract a deeper meaning from a conversation than simply what is said. What they’ve heard can be paraphrased. They are able to add new dimensions to the interpreted meanings of others.

Stronger ties of trust are fostered between them and others based on their ability to validate their interpretations. I call this “validating the exchange.”

The Third Power: Regulating Attention and Intention.

People with the third power show a level of self-awareness and self-control that distinguishes them from second power communicators. It’s clear to everyone that you are communicating from a place of considerable self-awareness. People with this power can vary their level of attention and their level of intent, thereby achieving high levels of emotional intelligence. Let’s start with talking about attention.

There are four levels of attention you can bring to any communication:

• Level 1: Volition. Is my attention voluntary or involuntary?
• Level 2: Mindfulness. Am I in a highly conscious state or a routine state?
• Level 3: Attraction. Does the communication draw me in or push me away?
• Level 4:Creativity. Is my attention creative, analytical, or empathetic? Am I varying it based on the situation?

Third power communicators are aware of each level of attention. Moreover, depending on the situation, they display the social and political awareness to select the appropriate setting within each level. For example, in Level 4, if they’re talking to someone who’s having problems with a colleague, they may choose to respond analytically: “I’ve had similar experiences. What you’re going through is something I know about. Here’s how I handled it.” Or empathetically: “I can appreciate why you’re feeling that way. How can I make this easier for you?” Or creatively: It’s amazing that happened to you. Let’s think of some ways you could deal with the situation.”

Third power communicators are also conscious of their intent and can vary it. There are four types of intent: affirmative, controlling, defensive, and relinquishing. Only the first is positive. Conflict results from the others. Third power communication is characterized by the ability to use affirming intent most the time. Even in tense disagreements they’ll say: “I understand what you are saying and I respect the way you feel, despite my not agreeing with you.”

Regulating the levels of attention and intent enables third power communicators to show a high level of emotional intelligence. Five aspects that promote communication of substance are explained by Daniel Goleman who lent fame to the term emotional intelligence.

These qualities of emotional intelligence enable your feelings to be an asset rather than a liability in a political world. People with good political skills know how to read cues. They understand that there may be political limits to what is possible. Most importantly they understand the relevance of politics. Successful leaders need to be masters of political self-management. To say in public to your boss, “I think we could have handled this situation much better,” is to put him on the defensive. Addressing privately ask, “May we discuss how you might want to handle it if a similar situation reoccurs?” is more diplomatic and politically savvy.

Political self management is just as important in small companies as it is in large, and vice versa. A small software company was rendered nearly helpless when two senior executives made a move to buy its most profitable division. Despite their longevity with the company, the CEO opted to let both executives go. They were the casualties of poor political self-management.

Part of emotional intelligence is speaking consciously from the “I.” For example, rather than saying “that wasn’t clear” to someone who’s just suggested an idea, you could say: “I feel confused. Can you clarify this for me?” People with this power can also communicate subtle nuances and flavors of emotions. For example, you might say to a colleague who’s just gotten promoted: “I’m jealous you got that promotion, but I’m also really happy for you. Excuse me if I seem just a bit conflicted.”

In sum, to assess your third power skills, ask yourself:

“Am I conscious of my attention? Do I exert control over it? When I’m listening, am I fully in the conversation? Do I tune my mind to hear not only the things the other person is saying, but the things she is not saying?”

Ask yourself whether your intent is also under your control. “Am I seeking deeper understanding by asking strong directed questions? Or am I always busy thinking about what I want to say and planning my response? Do I affirm the other person’s point of view, even if I disagree with it? What is my state of mind?”

Part of the third power is also asking powerful questions. Powerful questions let people know that you are genuinely interested. They can lighten the majority of very tense situations. If you say, “I’m genuinely curious to understand how you feel about this issue,” that’s a powerful question. If you say, “Help me understand your reasoning,” that’s a powerful question. When you ask questions designed to give you real insights into the thinking of another person, you’re displaying the third power.

So ask yourself whether your attention and intention are under control and you’re able to manage them to ask powerful questions. if you can answer “yes,” then it’s a good sign you’ve mastered the third power of communication.

The Fourth Power: Responding to People in the “Style” You Recognize as Their Own

People with the fourth power can take their communication one step further: they can vary their communication based on an accurate understanding of the other person’s communication style and the assumptions that underlie that style. they have the self-awareness to identify the other person’s frame of reference and adapt their own style accordingly – and thus help facilitate productive communication among people with different and often conflicting points of view.

To master the fourth power, you have to recognize that even when people are speaking the same language, they may be talking and listening past each other within different frames of reference and operating assumptions. You have to learn how to identify these different styles, and then learn how to vary your communication style depending on the situation. Understanding how to vary your style for the sake of improved communication is the fourth power.

In my book Straight Talk: Turning Communication Upside Down for Strategic Results, I described the four different communication styles: the director, expresser, thinker and harmonizer. Different assumption patterns define the differences between the styles. Here’s a quick snapshot:

Director: Directors are hard-charging, action-oriented leaders, focused on results. The director’s style of communicating is assertive and task-oriented. Directors operate on the assumption that quick action and decisiveness are valued, and that people are rewarded for getting things done, the sooner the better. Directors frame the world as a competitive place of action and decisiveness.

Expresser: Expressers focus on leading through their creative ideas. People oriented Expressers are also assertive communicators. their operating assumption is that people should feel free to voice their opinions, think outside of the box, and articulate what they feel. they like to entertain. expressers frame the world as a place where people are recognized for their personal creativity and achievement.

Thinker: thinkers are detail-oriented leaders and focused on what it takes to get the job done right. The thinker’s communication style is less assertive than the Director and Expresser. Like Directors, Thinkers are also task oriented; they assume that there’s a best way to do things – and it’s their job to make sure no mistakes are made. They feel rewarded when a task or project is done well. They frame the world as a place in which to solve problems and get things done.

Harmonizer: Harmonizers lead by supporting others. Their communication style is also less assertive than the Director and Expresser. Like Expressers, Harmonizers are people-oriented. They operate on the assumption that they need to look after the needs of the team and other people’s welfare. The team’s success givens them a sense of reward. They frame the world as a place where relationships with people are the most important aspect of their lives and prefer to work collaboratively.

People are distinct blends of all four styles rather than prototypes of any one of them. To understand how you communicate, you need to know how strongly you exhibit each of these styles.

The fourth power encompasses the highest level of self-awareness. Because they are conscious of people’s styles, people with this power can use that awareness to shape how they listen. Powerful listening is truly what this is. As they listen, they are able to apply the matrix of communication styles. Base motives are swiftly recognized and reacted to accordingly. For the person being listened to, it’s an amazing experience. One person described it as “feeling genuinely understood when talking to (her)”. The difference can be gauged by the reaction you elicit. When you engage in the fourth power, you elicit honest, heartfelt trust. People share their most sensitive stuff. People feel that you truly value their point of view.

A retired dean of Harvard Business School is among one of the most effective fourth power communicators I’ve met. Talking to a Thinker, she may be analyzing and particularly mindful of details. Playfulness and Storytelling are trademarks to look for when talking to an Expresser. When talking to a Director, she would cut right to the chase, and the discussion would be over in five minutes. And when talking to a Harmonizer, she would begin with some small talk before introducing the real topic of discussion.

What’s important about the fourth power is that it can be learned. It begins by learning your own style with this free communication survey.Then learning to decipher the styles of others is a necessity.

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